In our second lifetime, post abuse, my girls and I lived in a small, two bedroom, second-floor apartment. During the summer, new tenants moved in across from us. A woman and a little girl.
I don’t remember when I started to notice that something was very wrong over there. It seems like maybe it [...]
If today were the day that he killed you
would you wonder why you stayed?
what draws a woman to a man who berates her?
to a person who takes power over her?
what flame is that with such power over us?
if there is nothing but love
in this world
which will you choose?
is a Power
that you have not yet discovered
I have been walking every evening this past month
it is becoming almost more necessary for my soul
than my body.
so many trees around me,
I reach out to caress low hanging branches
with my fingertips
softly brushing leaves and flowers,
absorbing their energy,
mingling our particles
I speak my breath toward them in return,
lest I take without giving.
Craning my neck upward [...]
hot tears burst from my soul,
leak from my face,
been crying for days,
over nothing, or something,
out of control
that it should not
i am so very,
of the fight to remain solid
my skin barely contains
the liquid fire
that runs through me,
electric fire hell
in my neck and shoulders
sparkling bone pain,
in my spine
can’t seem to get out [...]
Now that I am old enough to enjoy thoughts of what I want to do when I grow up – and to effect decisions about how i will live my life as it is now – i can finally feel victorious over those painful memories of the impossibility of living the life i was in at the time . . .
Back then, i was unable to create any life at all, for myself and my daughters. I couldn’t make the break with the past and go forward. I couldn’t find the answer – my life was at checkmate.
The grim Reaper waited, hands reaching toward me, willing me to quit. My daughters needed me to be strong, to take care of them, to make a home for them.
Go forward or die.
Some of us are only mildly neurotic about our bodies, and some of us are severely neurotic. This fawker figured out one comeback for every woman alive. I suspect he practices in front of his mirror; as he expects some kind of wrong to happen to him daily. He says: You are a Fat Pig, and now he feels superior. Certainly his command of the English Language is to be applauded.
How will you ever dig yourself out of this hole if you do not love yourself, and your own life, enough to push the emotional rubbish off of your face and climb out? Self-love, amazingly enough, is simply having a basic sense of self-preservation that is intact and functioning.