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Posts tagged self-love

sparkle

I am feeling alone
until I notice
that today feels magical
the late spring sunset has cast a golden glow on everything around me

if only

Today I attended a holiday boutique with my lovely, talented, oldest daughter, who was showing her hand-made aprons. The show was in a a hair salon. It is more modern I suppose, than when my mother had been their client many years ago, but essentially the same. I recognized it right away.
My mother had thick, [...]

destiny

I was not his victim. I realize that now. I could have walked away a thousand times before I became so stuck in my own mind that escape seemed impossible. In the end, I became my own victim. I decided to believe that the things he said about me were true, his estimation of my worth as a human being, and my abilities as a parent.

He said that I would never leave him because I could never make it on my own, that I would never be able to support our children. And I decided to believe that I needed him. I decided to believe that I was helpless without him. I decided that it was my destiny to have that life, and that I deserved my fate.

stupid, worthless, fat/skinny, ugly bitch

I was weak, dizzy, and exhausted. Not a good place to come from if you need to fight (or run) for your life. So, please, learn from my experience. Hydrate your body, it will help you to see what is really there; hear what is true; and live your best life.

stalemate

I had a dear friend once. She was originally from England. She had a uniquely marvelous perspective on the American world. She was one of the few truly honest persons I had ever known. I loved her within minutes of meeting her.
I came to learn that her husband was terribly critical [...]

i saw the play

It’s been thirty plus years since I left my abuser. Thirty years, and still, the reminder of one moment, all that time ago, can steal my breath.
Not any particular moment. There were a lot of bad moments back then. It can be just a random memory, even a sound, or a smell, but most [...]

the winds of change

The first rose of spring has opened her petals and fairly shouted RED to the universe. We have many rose bushes, red, of course, and peach and yellow and white and pink. They are strong, independent, living creatures with purpose and joy and love to share with one another.
They are beautiful, and I enjoy sharing [...]

brutal honesty

No, your mean spirited truth can not destroyed me,
nor will I fall apart while you slice the very air with the
sharpened knives of your unkind words.

my mother’s china

Unpacking my mother’s china sends me back into her life so vividly. I wash and dry each piece by hand and put them away very gently.
My mother was a fifties woman. She did what was expected of her. She raised her children. She loved us in the only way that her duty to us [...]

dark night

I always recommend Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pincola Estes, Ph.D. (the book is available at Amazon). She really digs into those Dark Man dreams and how paying attention to them can help you with important decisions in your life. This book saved my life. Every woman should read it!

self-love and renewal

How will you ever dig yourself out of this hole if you do not love yourself, and your own life, enough to push the emotional rubbish off of your face and climb out? Self-love, amazingly enough, is simply having a basic sense of self-preservation that is intact and functioning.

night pulse

I hope that you are well and at peace tonight. I walked outside and breathed in the Universe for a few minutes earlier. Loving the trees, touching leaves with my fingertips. Barefooted, feeling the earth beneath me.
We have a storm coming, and the sky is a misty, leaded grey. Highlighted against the [...]

dangerous

old women can be dangerous
we say what we think.
and we often speak without even being spoken to.
fevers, darkness, and broken hearts no longer frighten us.
people are more frightening than life’s random pains.
those who live  in judgment
and speak sly criticisms.
they make life harder than it has to be.
I remember being young,
what a lot of trouble that was.
my soul was broken once
and many times [...]

moondust

dreams and wishes are made of moondust
and, if you believe,
little fairies will sprinkle moondust on your eyelids at bedtime
you will have beautiful dreams
and
a beautiful day tomorrow
if
you believe in moondust and fairies
nobody changes, really
we wish they would, but they do not,
we might even pray that they will
but they can not
god will not change him for you
only [...]

only believe

My dreams are brightly colored movies that I live in, with all five, or six, senses in working order. It hasn’t been like this for me always, and I ascribe the change to my senior citizen brain.
My dreams are so real that I don’t feel like I am dreaming. They are usually pleasant, and [...]

be angry, be very angry

I am in favor of the “get out while you can” strategy, rather than that “try again” claptrap that is preached and prodded and counseled by the best of the educated but uninitiated. If you go back, or keep trying to fix the thing, you could end up dead. Or worse. (And yes, I can assure you that there are worse things than being dead.)

job hunting

When you are ready, here is some job hunting info. I’ve been on both sides of the interview process, so I hope this will be helpful information for you.
If all you need is an Application:

-Your application should be extremely neat , carefully written, and easy to read. Do not rush. Bring your own pen, [...]

the journey of recovery

“. . . I would love to hear more about the journey from the shelter to where you are today. Because the shelter is only temporary, women often go back to their abuser for financial security. What advice do you have that a woman could do to gain financial independence if she has children and [...]

stay, or go?

If you are abused, there are two things left to you: Staying -or- Leaving.
I thought I was keeping the family together. That it was better for my children to have their father with them. I thought that god wanted it this way.
My two little girls needed their mother, but she was gone. She was lost [...]

sleep walking with the Death Angel

Our baby son died in his crib just before he was five months old.
“You must have walked in your sleep and smothered him.”

He was such a happy baby, he had great big belly laugh and he loved to bounce on a knee, anybody’s knee. His sisters adored him. At two and four, [...]

loving yourself during the holidays

Happy Sunday! The sun is shining (whether we can see it or not) and the world is still spinning out there in space, and You are Free! You are Safe! No one will hit you today. No one will break any of your bones today, or shoot at you, or throw the entire honey [...]

in the beginning: avoiding the abusive relationship

Every woman should educate herself on domestic violence. Whether you think it will ever personally affect you, you owe yourself a little education on the subject. There are a few good books/movies on the Booklist page. There are many, many blogs on the subject. . .
The bottom line is, always, abuse. Whether verbal, physical, mental: Abuse is the killer of happiness. The breaker of hearts. The shovel that buries the cheerful soul in the dust. Abuse runs rampant until somebody stops it.

holidays

My wish for every woman, every lover, and every child, is to be safe and live in peace, every day and every night, for always.
I hope your holidays are happy and peaceful.

old woman

The old woman in the mirror greets me with a sleepy scowl. Wrinkles are breaking out like acne. I used to have a neck. Where did my neck go?
I am sixty-two. How did I ever get this old? Half way to one hundred twenty-four.
I guess a few wrinkles are appropriate.
Some days, [...]

Sampat Pal

(Photo courtesy of Pink Saris.)
Sampat Pal speaks volumes with few words in Pink Saris. I can add nothing to her wisdom:

Women have nothing but their tears, what else do they have?

If a woman tries to do anything, its a struggle.

We were starving on the streets, no one cared.

People only love you for money.

nothing will change, until we change it

Perhaps education is the key. Perhaps learning the truth and offering what help we can will make a difference. I believe that Middle School is the best place to address young people about personal violence – before they start dating, before the become just a piece of “property” in the sexual violence world. Help them if you can. Write a check. Offer your services. Teach your children to respect one another. Do something. Do anything you can. Nothing will change until we change it.

eggshells and lug nuts

I felt like I had been targeted for murder. Might have been true. Might have just been sloppy work. Was it because of the life insurance policy recently offered by my office? Was it because his true self was about to become known. Or, all of the above? I guess that will never know, and I do not want to know.

a cry for help

In one night, the kindest, most loving man in the world covered her body with bruises and broke her heart into a million pieces. She was confused and terrified and felt utterly alone.

my story

My story is all over this site. My two little girls told me that we had to leave, “before he kills you.” – I could no longer pretend they didn’t know after that. So, we walked out the door one lovely morning, headed for their school, and never went back. A [...]

more on hydration

Now that I really think about it . . . I am pretty sure that I was dehydrated most of my adult life. I do not remember ever drinking water as part of my diet. I had not a drop of water for years and years. I survived on coffee and sugary brown liquids. [...]

the painful truth

. . a woman is battered every nine seconds in the United States.

. . . domestic violence kills ten women every day in this country.

Husbands and Wives: Faith Trust Institute

Jewish tradition is very clear: it is forbidden for one person to harm another. This includes physical abuse: the Talmud states that it is forbidden to even raise a hand against another;

be who you are

My point is: be who you are. If you are gay or lesbian, please, know that understanding and acceptance are part of reality now. Be who you are. Love the person you love. Please don’t love the person you are expected to love. It never works out.

perspective

from: Clarissa Pincola Estes’ amazing book:
Women Who Run With the Wolves

From the introduction: Don’t skip it. Every line of those twenty pages contains amazing insight and truth from deep within the souls of women everywhere. It is a most amazingly beautiful book about the strength of woman-kind. This book is a treasure [...]

my sisters, and other sisters

I have three younger sisters,
they will always be little girls
in my mind
They are in fact,
grown women now
with families and joys and
sorrows of their own.
Tonight,
I was thinking of my other sisters
the women out there,
across this globe,
where ever they might be
whose lives are not in their control
whose husbands are their jailers
their keepers
whose children are hostages to the [...]

the charming man

DON’T LET HIM GET YOU INTO THAT PLACE WHERE YOU BELIEVE HIM . . . DON’T DO IT. He is lying to you. You are not the names he calls you. You are a perfect human being, a beautiful soul who does not deserve this treatment. Run. Get away. Leave. He will NEVER change. He will NEVER stop. It’s all up to you…. I hope you can believe this, and just run away, rather than letting it get to the point where he might actually kill you.

broken trust

What do you do when the trust is broken?

For the battered one, the sweet, fresh trust of love has been violated with the first punch. Nothing the batterer can do will ever bring that back.

into the night sky

Today is the first day of the rest of my forever. I will cherish this day, and this night, and be thankful for the days I have had, both good and not so good, and whatever tomorrows will become part of my history.
I am beginning to believe that we are all just learning to [...]

Women Who Run With the Wolves

This is not a book you read and forget. This is a book that will live in you; for years to come.

surviving survival

When we were at the shelter almost the first thing I heard was that something like eighty percent of the women would go back to their abusers. I think now I finally understand why. They are afraid of making a new life, of all the changes, but they already know how to function in their old lives.