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Posts tagged recovery

little one

my sweet little one
you are the future of my past
and the star on my horizon.
life has disappointed you
and my heart aches
for your sorrow.
i have lived and loved
and hurt and been hurt
and cried so many tears
and yet, it was impossible to take the pain for you
young women become so
by twisting and scraping against the walls of [...]

becoming rain

each of us are only particles,
currently assembled into sentient beings
held together by friction and stubbornness,
aware,
for the moment, of our being-ness.
surviving survival
pulled all of my strings and tore at my heart
’till my particles burned with confusion and dread.
surviving,
recreating myself,
from a bundle of tangled, broken fragments
was only the beginning.
learning to live again,
to find my own being-ness
took all [...]

hostage

The realization
that I was only a hostage
made leaving that much easier.
Leaving wasn’t difficult,
or painful,
only frightening.
Starting over was more difficult.
Every day was hard
but every night was peaceful
and finally safe.

dreaming

my life was a scream
trapped
in a nightmare.
it was never going to get better
the only cure
was to leave
it took years
and days
and hours
and some very long moments
but my dreams are peaceful now
my heart is calm
and I don’t miss the terror
not even a little

updraft

imagine having wings
soaring effortlessly
on the lightest breeze,
playing
in gusts of wind
imagine
having that life
the one that didn’t go as planned
imagine the freedom
of no regrets
of life well lived until the end
lift your wings
catch the breeze
and begin again

heartbroken

I’ve seen that look before,
you think that the problem is you.

Sunset pulls mightily upon your soul.
Stars and moon sing their own songs of freedom,
the night birds,
screeching and cawing to one another
delicately unfold their wings,
lifting themselves
on the faintest breeze,
above the earth,
toward the growing darkness.

And you keep shoveling mountains of guilt
over your already tired bones.

You are only [...]

old

becoming older is simple
it sneaks up on you,
until it doesn’t
realizing my limitations,
aching for bones that don’t ache,
watching bruises bloom from simple bumps,
such an adventure
happily, i can still walk.
if i could not,
i would have missed this beauty
she will also grow old,
crumple in on herself
and lose her amazing petals,
which feel wooden to my careful touch
it is my [...]

before and after

it seems that we keep time
in before and after.
not so much in days or years,
but in moments that stop everything.

some moments create deep fissures
in the skin of our souls,
as though splintering the heart,
penetrating even our deepest being.

each soul is marked by scars
by tears not shed
by pain too great
by fires gone out
by before,
and after.

living in color

Will I be grateful for my life when it is over?
or, will I die wanting more?
I hope not.
Time, and time, and more time, to what end?
I am learning to be grateful for temporary things
love, kinship, a smile, eyes that truly see.
I look at the trees,
I doubt they complain about the years they don’t have.
It seems [...]

spring

it is spring
there are flowers everywhere.
joyous
stretching
kissing the light
shocking colors that only god can make

i memorize them, for darker days.
wild
as they are.

at dusk
they fold inward.
sleeping until dawn.

my soul opens into the night
it is peaceful
the air is thicker,
closer to my skin somehow

coyotes running free
singing to one another
and to me