it is spring
there are flowers everywhere.
kissing the light
shocking colors that only god can make
i memorize them, for darker days.
as they are.
they fold inward.
sleeping until dawn.
my soul opens into the night
it is peaceful
the air is thicker,
closer to my skin somehow
coyotes running free
singing to one another
and to me
Posts tagged recovery
it is spring
When I am no longer being nurtured,
by my environment
it falls upon me to nurture myself.
how that is accomplished,
or even begun, is a mystery
that creates a terror in my heart.
The cold winter sun shares her harsh light begrudgingly.
then fairly screaming at me from between the trees
as she dances lower and lower on the horizon.
I increase my pace,
struggling to stay warm.
A patch of lavender comes into view
i move closer
I am overpowered,
the scent is visceral
I must stop
The bright new flowers
have rushed to open after the recent [...]
becoming older is simple
it sneaks up on you,
until it doesn’t
realizing my limitations,
aching for bones that don’t ache,
watching bruises bloom from simple bumps,
such an adventure
happily, i can still walk.
if i could not,
i would have missed this beauty
she will also grow old,
crumple in on herself
and lose her amazing petals,
which feel wooden to my careful touch
it is my [...]
some moments create deep fissures
in the skin of our souls,
as though splintering the heart,
penetrating even our deepest being.
I am feeling alone
until I notice
that today feels magical
the late spring sunset has cast a golden glow on everything around me
but the time is now
to return to what I love and what I can do well.
suddenly the storm is me
my emotions rage and tear the air like debris tossed about in a wild wind
i will not be peaceful if it means dying with the words suffocated behind my lips
i will not be a shadow any longer
i must stand in the light
even if it is a storm
I was not his victim. I realize that now. I could have walked away a thousand times before I became so stuck in my own mind that escape seemed impossible. In the end, I became my own victim. I decided to believe that the things he said about me were true, his estimation of my worth as a human being, and my abilities as a parent.
He said that I would never leave him because I could never make it on my own, that I would never be able to support our children. And I decided to believe that I needed him. I decided to believe that I was helpless without him. I decided that it was my destiny to have that life, and that I deserved my fate.
time is crashing into me
i have bared my soul to the universe so that
woman might live a better life
i hope it is enough