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Posts tagged freedom

the cold winter sun

The cold winter sun shares her harsh light begrudgingly.
hiding,
then fairly screaming at me from between the trees
as she dances lower and lower on the horizon.
I increase my pace,
struggling to stay warm.
A patch of lavender comes into view
curious
i move closer
I am overpowered,
the scent is visceral
I must stop
The bright new flowers
have rushed to open after the recent [...]

secrets

hiding
like a secret,
behind the floppy green leaves,
this tiny pocket of flowers
brought a sweet smile to my heart today
i had forgotten
perhaps
that secrets should be joyous
there was a time when my life held many secrets.
sorrows i could not contain
searched wildly for courage
to scream
and run
and run
and never stop
until the world was safe again
it took not courage,
but only
the tiniest [...]

the smell of water

there is no sidewalk, so i walk in the street.
the hills are steep for my old knees
but my legs are strong now
i love that i can smell the water
and almost taste the green of the cool space
near the top of the longest hill.
there are always birds here
and small critters i can hear, but not see
the [...]

old

becoming older is simple
it sneaks up on you,
until it doesn’t
realizing my limitations,
aching for bones that don’t ache,
watching bruises bloom from simple bumps,
such an adventure
happily, i can still walk.
if i could not,
i would have missed this beauty
she will also grow old,
crumple in on herself
and lose her amazing petals,
which feel wooden to my careful touch
it is my [...]

begin again

life interfered
but the time is now
to return to what I love and what I can do well.

rain

burning black sand

extravagantly bright flowers 
quite suddenly dripping
 with warm rain
 that pounds the earth with unreasonable fury
in a moment, the rain is gone 
and the sand is burning hot again
violence is not rain

it does not simply stop.

bravery is necessary

yet one time more 
than you believe is in you
run

before you cannot

storm

suddenly the storm is me
my emotions rage and tear the air 
like debris tossed about in a wild wind
i will not be peaceful if it means dying with the words suffocated behind my lips
i will not be a shadow any longer
i must stand in the light
even if it is a storm

destiny

I was not his victim. I realize that now. I could have walked away a thousand times before I became so stuck in my own mind that escape seemed impossible. In the end, I became my own victim. I decided to believe that the things he said about me were true, his estimation of my worth as a human being, and my abilities as a parent.

He said that I would never leave him because I could never make it on my own, that I would never be able to support our children. And I decided to believe that I needed him. I decided to believe that I was helpless without him. I decided that it was my destiny to have that life, and that I deserved my fate.

time

time is crashing into me
heavy
demanding
i have bared my soul to the universe so that
perhaps
one
woman might live a better life
i hope it is enough

stalemate

I had a dear friend once. She was originally from England. She had a uniquely marvelous perspective on the American world. She was one of the few truly honest persons I had ever known. I loved her within minutes of meeting her.
I came to learn that her husband was terribly critical [...]