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Posts tagged faith and abuse

desperate devotion

If today were the day that he killed you
would you wonder why you stayed?

the flowers

“I bought some sunflowers, they were so cheerful.”
I can’t buy them. I can’t even cut them.
We have roses. . .
“You hear the flowers screaming . . .”
Yes, I do. (How did you know?)

normal

You may not want to face that danger.
You may decide to wish it away,
pretend it doesn’t exist,
but what you may not know
is how close you might be to terminal violence.

power

A weakness
is a Power
that you have not yet discovered
within yourself.

whose life are you living?

Now that I am old enough to enjoy thoughts of what I want to do when I grow up – and to effect decisions about how i will live my life as it is now – i can finally feel victorious over those painful memories of the impossibility of living the life i was in at the time . . .

Back then, i was unable to create any life at all, for myself and my daughters. I couldn’t make the break with the past and go forward. I couldn’t find the answer – my life was at checkmate.

The grim Reaper waited, hands reaching toward me, willing me to quit. My daughters needed me to be strong, to take care of them, to make a home for them.

Go forward or die.

self-love and renewal

How will you ever dig yourself out of this hole if you do not love yourself, and your own life, enough to push the emotional rubbish off of your face and climb out? Self-love, amazingly enough, is simply having a basic sense of self-preservation that is intact and functioning.

moondust

dreams and wishes are made of moondust
and, if you believe,
little fairies will sprinkle moondust on your eyelids at bedtime
you will have beautiful dreams
and
a beautiful day tomorrow
if
you believe in moondust and fairies
nobody changes, really
we wish they would, but they do not,
we might even pray that they will
but they can not
god will not change him for you
only [...]

only believe

My dreams are brightly colored movies that I live in, with all five, or six, senses in working order. It hasn’t been like this for me always, and I ascribe the change to my senior citizen brain.

My dreams are so real that I don’t feel like I am dreaming. They are usually pleasant, and [...]

be angry, be very angry

I am in favor of the “get out while you can” strategy, rather than that “try again” claptrap that is preached and prodded and counseled by the best of the educated but uninitiated. If you go back, or keep trying to fix the thing, you could end up dead. Or worse. (And yes, I can assure you that there are worse things than being dead.)

sleep walking with the Death Angel

Our baby son died in his crib just before he was five months old.
“You must have walked in your sleep and smothered him.”

He was such a happy baby, he had great big belly laugh and he loved to bounce on a knee, anybody’s knee. His sisters adored him. At two and four, [...]