[ Content | Sidebar ]

Posts tagged exhaustion

my patchwork quilt

no sooner does my head touch the pillow
than the patchwork quilt of my memories and regrets
pulls itself up around me
and snuggles in for the night.
every remembrance,
whether lovely or sad, has its own patch in the quilt.
the beautiful faces of my children and grandchildren,
my poor little mother, dying before she was even my age,
chasing fireflies on [...]

exposure

tonight, i feel like a bird’s nest covered with skin.
broken, twisted little branches
held together with bits of string and sticks and stems
wound up tighter than necessary
 to protect the pieces of me
that have yet to shatter

rain

burning black sand

extravagantly bright flowers 
quite suddenly dripping
 with warm rain
 that pounds the earth with unreasonable fury
in a moment, the rain is gone 
and the sand is burning hot again
violence is not rain

it does not simply stop.

bravery is necessary

yet one time more 
than you believe is in you
run

before you cannot

merciless

downcast eyes, twisted smile,

she thinks that she is hiding the pain
dancing on a wire

to a tune played by her leading man
it is a frantic dance,

a carefully choreographed ballet.
any flat look of disappointment sends ice into her heart

there is no end to the music

no breather between sets

she must anticipate each twirl and spin

for failure is unthinkable

and [...]

the view from within

What, exactly, is domestic violence? It is just physical abuse? And what exactly is verbal/mental abuse? What does that mean? Is verbal abuse a reason to leave, even if he has never hit you?

deep regret

the terrible cold of discontent seeps into my bones
bitter words
 and anger
 send a frost
that burrows deep into my heart
I turn my chin to hide my tears
but i do not care so much that you see
as that it has finally come to this
the stone wall of my beating heart
will not accept this as a season [...]

my mother’s china

Unpacking my mother’s china sends me back into her life so vividly. I wash and dry each piece by hand and put them away very gently.
My mother was a fifties woman. She did what was expected of her. She raised her children. She loved us in the only way that her duty to us [...]

dark night

I always recommend Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pincola Estes, Ph.D. (the book is available at Amazon). She really digs into those Dark Man dreams and how paying attention to them can help you with important decisions in your life. This book saved my life. Every woman should read it!

be angry, be very angry

I am in favor of the “get out while you can” strategy, rather than that “try again” claptrap that is preached and prodded and counseled by the best of the educated but uninitiated. If you go back, or keep trying to fix the thing, you could end up dead. Or worse. (And yes, I can assure you that there are worse things than being dead.)

stay, or go?

If you are abused, there are two things left to you: Staying -or- Leaving.
I thought I was keeping the family together. That it was better for my children to have their father with them. I thought that god wanted it this way.
My two little girls needed their mother, but she was gone. She was lost [...]