bag lady chat

In our second lifetime, post abuse, my girls and I lived in a small, two bedroom, second-floor apartment. During the summer, new tenants moved in across from us. A woman and a little girl.

I don’t remember when I started to notice that something was very wrong over there. It seems like maybe it [...]

You may not want to face that danger.
You may decide to wish it away,
pretend it doesn’t exist,
but what you may not know
is how close you might be to terminal violence.

So, you think that you still love your abuser?
Really?
You think that you can work it out with patience and kindness?
Or maybe you think that you can handle it, until it gets better.

Counseling might help.
Forgiveness might work.

Or not.

If today were the day that he killed you
would you wonder why you stayed?

“I bought some sunflowers, they were so cheerful.”
I can’t buy them. I can’t even cut them.
We have roses. . .
“You hear the flowers screaming . . .”
Yes, I do. (How did you know?)

what draws a woman to a man who berates her?
to a person who takes power over her?
what flame is that with such power over us?

if there is nothing but love
or hate
in this world

which will you choose?

A weakness
is a Power
that you have not yet discovered
within yourself.

Now that I am old enough to enjoy thoughts of what I want to do when I grow up – and to effect decisions about how i will live my life as it is now – i can finally feel victorious over those painful memories of the impossibility of living the life i was in at the time . . .

Back then, i was unable to create any life at all, for myself and my daughters. I couldn’t make the break with the past and go forward. I couldn’t find the answer – my life was at checkmate.

The grim Reaper waited, hands reaching toward me, willing me to quit. My daughters needed me to be strong, to take care of them, to make a home for them.

Go forward or die.

Some of us are only mildly neurotic about our bodies, and some of us are severely neurotic. This fawker figured out one comeback for every woman alive. I suspect he practices in front of his mirror; as he expects some kind of wrong to happen to him daily. He says: You are a Fat Pig, and now he feels superior. Certainly his command of the English Language is to be applauded.