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Posts tagged domestic violence

rain

burning black sand
extravagantly bright flowers
quite suddenly dripping with warm rain
that pounds the earth with unreasonable fury
in a moment, the rain is gone
and the sand is burning hot again
violence is not rain
it does not simply stop.
bravery is necessary
yet one time more than you believe is in you
run
before you cannot

(c) 2020 Belinda Geiger

time

time is crashing into me
heavy
demanding
i have bared my soul to the universe so that
perhaps
one woman
might live a better life
i hope it is enough

abuse

interpret the word however you like.
if you have absolutely no power in your relationship,
no control over your own life
and no hope
this is abuse.

i saw the play

It’s been thirty plus years since I left my abuser. Thirty years, and still, the reminder of one moment, all that time ago, can steal my breath.
Not any particular moment. There were a lot of bad moments back then. It can be just a random memory, even a sound, or a smell, but most [...]

brutal honesty

No, your mean spirited truth can not destroyed me,
nor will I fall apart while you slice the very air with the
sharpened knives of your unkind words.

bullet

I parked at a cheap lot several blocks from my office. I would get out of my car and start the walk. Each step was a victory. I figured that if the bullet got me, I would probably never know it, but I was saddened at the thought of my two young daughters having to go on without me.

the view from within

What, exactly, is domestic violence? It is just physical abuse? And what exactly is verbal/mental abuse? What does that mean? Is verbal abuse a reason to leave, even if he has never hit you?

self-love and renewal

How will you ever dig yourself out of this hole if you do not love yourself, and your own life, enough to push the emotional rubbish off of your face and climb out? Self-love, amazingly enough, is simply having a basic sense of self-preservation that is intact and functioning.

moondust

dreams and wishes are made of moondust
and, if you believe,
little fairies will sprinkle moondust on your eyelids at bedtime
you will have beautiful dreams
and
a beautiful day tomorrow
if
you believe in moondust and fairies
nobody changes, really
we wish they would, but they do not,
we might even pray that they will
but they can not
god will not change him for you
only [...]

be angry, be very angry

I am in favor of the “get out while you can” strategy, rather than that “try again” claptrap that is preached and prodded and counseled by the best of the educated but uninitiated. If you go back, or keep trying to fix the thing, you could end up dead. Or worse. (And yes, I can assure you that there are worse things than being dead.)

the journey of recovery

“. . . I would love to hear more about the journey from the shelter to where you are today. Because the shelter is only temporary, women often go back to their abuser for financial security. What advice do you have that a woman could do to gain financial independence if she has children and [...]

cornered

The abuser does not have a need to recover when the relationship ends. He simply moves on. He has his pride to protect. He puts on his nice guy face and goes out hunting for a fresh victim. He will tell everyone that he sent the other on her way.
It [...]

sleep walking with the Death Angel

Our baby son died in his crib just before he was five months old.
“You must have walked in your sleep and smothered him.”

He was such a happy baby, he had great big belly laugh and he loved to bounce on a knee, anybody’s knee. His sisters adored him. At two and four, [...]

in the beginning: avoiding the abusive relationship

Every woman should educate herself on domestic violence. Whether you think it will ever personally affect you, you owe yourself a little education on the subject. There are a few good books/movies on the Booklist page. There are many, many blogs on the subject. . .
The bottom line is, always, abuse. Whether verbal, physical, mental: Abuse is the killer of happiness. The breaker of hearts. The shovel that buries the cheerful soul in the dust. Abuse runs rampant until somebody stops it.

old woman

The old woman in the mirror greets me with a sleepy scowl. Wrinkles are breaking out like acne. I used to have a neck. Where did my neck go?
I am sixty-two. How did I ever get this old? Half way to one hundred twenty-four.
I guess a few wrinkles are appropriate.
Some days, [...]

Sampat Pal

(Photo courtesy of Pink Saris.)
Sampat Pal speaks volumes with few words in Pink Saris. I can add nothing to her wisdom:

Women have nothing but their tears, what else do they have?

If a woman tries to do anything, its a struggle.

We were starving on the streets, no one cared.

People only love you for money.

Women Make Movies: Pink Saris

(Photo courtesy of Pink Saris)
PINK SARIS to broadcast on HBO2 | Wednesday, November 30
“…a remarkably honest and urgent film, and Sampat is an unforgettable character.”
Anthropology Review Database
“Highly Recommended.”
Educational Media Reviews Online
“A girl’s life is cruel…A woman’s life is very cruel,” notes Sampat Pal, the complex protagonist at the center of PINK SARIS, internationally acclaimed director [...]

nothing will change, until we change it

Perhaps education is the key. Perhaps learning the truth and offering what help we can will make a difference. I believe that Middle School is the best place to address young people about personal violence – before they start dating, before the become just a piece of “property” in the sexual violence world. Help them if you can. Write a check. Offer your services. Teach your children to respect one another. Do something. Do anything you can. Nothing will change until we change it.

hopscotch and flying kites

This photo was taken of my granddaughter flying her first kite. Look at that expression! I will never stop looking at this photo. It is innocence. It is joy. It is truth.
Children love every moment of every day. I hope, one day, to be so childlike, so honest, that every moment [...]

ptsd

Excuse me, but battered women function at a very high level. They manage to dance between death and its expectation every day of their lives. They shop, cook, clean, and clean, and clean, do laundry, take the kids to school and back, and humbly serve their “master” while planning, privately, to open the earth under him, or some other especially violent retribution for their pain and humiliation.

taking a stand against violence

“Now is the time to find the courage, and to stop looking the other way when you see signs of abuse. Whether we are talking about domestic violence or abuse of any form, we all have a responsibility to act, or risk the likelihood that it will happen again,” writes Esta Soler, President and Founder [...]

eggshells and lug nuts

I felt like I had been targeted for murder. Might have been true. Might have just been sloppy work. Was it because of the life insurance policy recently offered by my office? Was it because his true self was about to become known. Or, all of the above? I guess that will never know, and I do not want to know.

a cry for help

In one night, the kindest, most loving man in the world covered her body with bruises and broke her heart into a million pieces. She was confused and terrified and felt utterly alone.

Philadelphia: the whole story

I have quoted this article many times. I am afraid it will disappear eventually, so here it is, in full:
NY TIMES
Philadelphia to Handle Abuse Calls Differently
By IAN URBINA
Published: December 30, 2009
Responding to a sharp increase in homicides stemming from domestic violence, the Philadelphia Police Department announced plans this week to change how officers handle domestic [...]

my story

My story is all over this site. My two little girls told me that we had to leave, “before he kills you.” – I could no longer pretend they didn’t know after that. So, we walked out the door one lovely morning, headed for their school, and never went back. A [...]

the painful truth

. . a woman is battered every nine seconds in the United States.

. . . domestic violence kills ten women every day in this country.

Husbands and Wives: Faith Trust Institute

Jewish tradition is very clear: it is forbidden for one person to harm another. This includes physical abuse: the Talmud states that it is forbidden to even raise a hand against another;

be who you are

My point is: be who you are. If you are gay or lesbian, please, know that understanding and acceptance are part of reality now. Be who you are. Love the person you love. Please don’t love the person you are expected to love. It never works out.

guerrilla warfare in the happy home

Do you have a beautiful home in a nice suburb? A sky-high condo? Or a third-floor walk-up? The trappings of success will not protect you from domestic violence.
Maybe you think you are simply losing your mind. After all, how could this be happening to you? You have a perfect life. A charming [...]

the charming man

DON’T LET HIM GET YOU INTO THAT PLACE WHERE YOU BELIEVE HIM . . . DON’T DO IT. He is lying to you. You are not the names he calls you. You are a perfect human being, a beautiful soul who does not deserve this treatment. Run. Get away. Leave. He will NEVER change. He will NEVER stop. It’s all up to you…. I hope you can believe this, and just run away, rather than letting it get to the point where he might actually kill you.

broken trust

What do you do when the trust is broken?

For the battered one, the sweet, fresh trust of love has been violated with the first punch. Nothing the batterer can do will ever bring that back.

into the night sky

Today is the first day of the rest of my forever. I will cherish this day, and this night, and be thankful for the days I have had, both good and not so good, and whatever tomorrows will become part of my history.
I am beginning to believe that we are all just learning to [...]

Women Who Run With the Wolves

This is not a book you read and forget. This is a book that will live in you; for years to come.

the counting of tears

The Talmud forbids a husband from being overbearing to his household, and domestic abuse by him was also condemned. It was said of a wife that God counts her tears.

“All the blessings of a household come through the wife, therefore should her husband honour her.”
“Men should be careful lest they cause women to weep, for God counts their tears.

rushing through life, or not

Today, I was thinking about rushing, while I was taking my time getting ready to go out the door. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t go anywhere, even to the dry cleaner, looking sloppy. Today, I moved slowly. I was comfortable in my own skin today. Taking my time. I’d been thinking about [...]

surviving survival

When we were at the shelter almost the first thing I heard was that something like eighty percent of the women would go back to their abusers. I think now I finally understand why. They are afraid of making a new life, of all the changes, but they already know how to function in their old lives.

smoke and mirrors

Our escape wasn’t long after that. We did it together. We walked away one bright sunny morning and went to the shelter instead of their school. My two little girls. They expected me to have the courage to leave. So, I did. We did.

forever, or at least until next week

I was a child of the Cold War years, (you know, The Bomb; dog tags with name, address and religious preference; hiding from nuclear annihilation under our plastic school desks) . . . We were ten years old and the end of the world was our future.
We had no tomorrow. We didn’t even have [...]

cheating as domestic violence

Pray. Okay, pray. But then do something. Don’t wait for the earth to open up and swallow him. This one is on you. You must make the move. If you don’t leave, it just gets worse. There are million women out there who would agree with me. And many others who would, if they could speak from the grave.

run, don’t walk

He drove up just as I was walking to my packed car with my baby in my arms. He was furious. I was terrified. I ran back into the house and slammed the door and locked it. He pounded on the door. Someone called the police. My dad kept him outside of the [...]