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that damn shoe

March 9th, 2018

IMG_3817You taught me to walk in the other one’s shoes,
rather than feel my own pain.
Maybe that person had a bad day, maybe their feet hurt…
maybe that person is just mean and I shouldn’t try to understand!

I wish I had just told you to walk in my shoes!
I had enough pain, didn’t need someone else’s.

I needed to scream!
But you taught me that my screams were worthless,
so why bother.
Understanding why makes all the pain better?
I don’t think so.
I understand what it did for me, in the end,
I turned myself inside out wearing that damn shoe.


exposure

February 17th, 2018

brittle
tonight, i feel like a bird’s nest covered with skin.
broken, twisted little branches
held together with bits of string and sticks and stems
wound up tighter than necessary
to protect the pieces of me
that have yet to shatter

the end

October 28th, 2017

gate
I have seen the beginning of the end
it starts with always
and never
and continues down its road toward not light
but darkness.

The end is everywhere tonight.
in your face, your voice,
in the tension of your anger and impatience,

I don’t think you even know that the road you have taken has no outlet.
Given the opportunity, love will grow cold
as cold as your hardened heart.
as cold as the walls you build
with words
or no words at all.

secrets and lies

June 13th, 2017

Image 19
i choose my truth
from a basket of tangled memories
and a wicked, cold reality
that i can not outrun

broken light

June 3rd, 2017

0a3e2f82-fcc9-4b11-8125-ed8638645dd2
The tender, thorny crack in my soul
keeps stubbornly scratching,
and picking at scabs of those thousand yesterdays
that should never have been.

Was there ever a pain that faded quietly away
without the tedious midnight parade;
or the broken-glass smile that is somehow required,
by the fierce, screaming dawn of today?

secret

May 9th, 2017

IMG_9306
hiding
like a secret,
behind the floppy green leaves,
this tiny pocket of flowers
brought a sweet smile to my heart today

i had forgotten
perhaps
that secrets should be joyous


there was a time when my life held many secrets.
sorrows i could not contain
searching wildly for courage
to scream
and run
and run
and never stop
until the world was safe again


it took not courage,
but only
the tiniest flower of hope,
to find my legs.
and little hands to hold my own
as we made our way
from the secrets to our light.



the smell of water

November 25th, 2016

IMG_4966there is no sidewalk, so i walk in the street.
the hills are steep for my old knees
but my legs are strong now

i love that i can smell the water
and almost taste the green of the cool space
near the top of the longest hill.
there are always birds here
and small critters i can hear, but not see

the drought has choked the life out of many of our trees.
grass is stiff and yellow, what there is of it.
there are fewer flowers and their perfume no longer lingers on the air
so this oasis on the side of the road is welcome
like an old friend

I still reach out to low hanging branches
touching their tender leaves
with my fingertips
and my breath.
it feels like a kiss.
and i hold it softly to me
as i walk past

I walk this hill to touch my world
to admire the flowers
and whisper to the trees,
and to watch the birds float across the sky
and into my heart

I walk this hill for me
for my soul more than for my body.
I know that i belong right here,
in this little bit of the world


dying on the vine

June 14th, 2016

IMG_4470the flower is old
dying
but the bush lives,
there will be another flower

i wonder
does she struggle to breathe?
is she fearful of the end?

growing older changes me
i feel dried out
less self-reliant
colorless

i do not want to be replaceable,
gone from my own life,
but, i am vain

old news

May 11th, 2016

IMG_4545I remember a time
when people had no need for guns
when dogs slept in the streets, and children played there

doors were never locked,
and neighbors came and went like family
news did not travel quite so quickly then,
and it was not so bad it seems

I wish that my children
and their children
could have known the world as it was then

but time moves always forward
old, and bent, and troubled
with bullets and bombs
and terror
breaking what it can not bend

sparkle

April 2nd, 2016

walk

This is my walk.

Nearly every day
I say hello to flowers and trees and tall grass
as they sparkle in the late afternoon sun

My heart records their incredible beauty and sad decay.
I focus on the shapes and colors of the leaves,
the twisted limbs of ancient trees.
every flower is delicate, unique.
some are faded, some vibrant
some reaching around others for a glimpse of the sun

The scent on the wind
infuses unspeakable joy
into my heart and my bones.

My sister walks with me
almost every day,
but not today, and I am feeling alone
until I notice that today feels magical
the late spring sunset has cast a golden glow on everything around me

I touch the low branches and caress the leaves
and I realize that I, too, am part what happens here
I am not just an observer
I belong here
with them