What do you do when the trust is broken?
For the battered one, the sweet, fresh trust of love has been violated with the first punch. Nothing the batterer can do will ever bring that back.
In the many long years I have been on this planet, I have never seen broken trust repaired successfully. I have come to believe that God (whoever She is), may be able to forgive and forget, but most humans are simply not up to the task.
What happens to a battered woman when some kind soul says something nice to her? Of course, she is flattered. What happens when another predator sees the signs of abuse and cozies up to her? You guessed it. She thinks he will save her from her problems, which is want he wants her to think. She thinks she loves him, and that he loves her, which is also what he wants her to think. He will use his considerable charms to convince her that he will give her peace and safety. Which he won’t, in the end. He will dump her, her husband/boyfriend/lover will find out and the next thing that happens is going to be much, much worse than the last.
What’s wrong with this picture? Am I suggesting that battered women should be faithful to their abusers? In a way, yes, I am. Cheating won’t help you. The batterer demands obedience, fidelity and strict adherence to his many rules. He will not excuse your glance in the wrong direction. He will punish every infraction. If he catches you cheating, he could easily kill you, or worse. Yes, there are things worse than being killed. I suggest that you leave if you are being battered. Your trust makes you vulnerable. Don’t trust the batterer or the wolf.
Do I care how many times I am wrong? How many times I have to start over? Yeah. I care. It’s a real pain in the ass. I didn’t see that I had a choice, and I did what I had to do. Yes, many of my problems may, indeed, have been caused by my foolish trust or my bad judgment, but I will not be my grandmother, or my mother, (rest their souls), I will not forgive over and over and over. I will not pretend to forget, simply because my faith, my church, my God, or whoever, expects me to honor the relationship and give the SOB countless opportunities to hurt me over and over again. I refuse. I do not have that faith, or that requirement. It does not exist in my world. I have been battered, and beaten, and my trust has been broken many times. Many years later, I am finally a whole person again. That change took years of effort and the recovery was not painless. No one will ever do that to me again.
I hope that you will not allow that to ever happen to you.
Blessings and love to you all,