amazing pinkWhen dealing with an already emotionally charged and violent relationship, cheating becomes just another crack in the mirror. The in-your-face, “I’m going out and you are powerless to stop it” kind of cheating is abuse. Don’t think it’s not.

When violence is already present, and degradation and humiliation are part of everyday living. The abused person has no self-respect left, does not feel worthy of demanding or expecting anything (including fidelity) from the relationship. The absolute choke-hold that exists is almost impossible to understand or explain. She feels and believes that she is utterly alone. The abuser has bludgeoned her with excoriating comments until she feels completely worthless. Her family has or will desert her, her friends don’t really care about her, she has no one to turn to but him. There is no hope for her outside of the small circle of his “love.”

Like rape, abuse is about power, not love. Like rape, it leaves her empty and broken, while he celebrates his virility. Cheating as violence is not an everyday definition. For me, it was reality. I kept wishing that he would leave me for one of them. I was not that lucky. I had become too easy. I had been broken. I cooked his meals, washed his clothes and kept the house very, very clean, and met all of his demands.

If you or someone you know is living this life, please get help.

If she is not you, please reach out to her.

If she is you, please do not believe that you are destined to live like this. God doesn’t hate you. You are not required to stay with a batterer to prove that you are a good person. Pray. Okay, pray. But then do something. Don’t wait for the earth to open up and swallow him. This one is on you. You must make the move. If you don’t leave, it just gets worse. There are million women out there who would agree with me. And many others who would, if they could speak from the grave.