Today I was thinking about the women who were in the shelter with me. The staff told me that something like eighty or ninety percent of those women would return to their abusers. I knew I would never go back. I still wonder why so many women would. Why ask for it? He’s going to get even. You know it. (I knew it.)
The information below has been shamelessly pilfered from www.wisegeek.com. I don’t know who the wise-geek, is but the info was pretty spot on. (Although, I have to say, there seem to be a lot of “talk to a lawyer” links.)
According to statistics, the average abused woman leaves her abuser seven to eight times before she leaves permanently. Victims of abuse often live in a state of fear, confusion, and overwhelming sadness. To make a successful and permanent separation from an abuser, a woman needs support and easy access to organizations dedicated to aiding victims of abuse. With this support and the understanding that the abuse will continue if they return, many abused women are able to leave abusive relationships permanently.
Sometimes, as a result of abuse, a woman’s self-esteem is so damaged that she lacks the confidence to maintain independence from her abuser. Often, women who leave abusive relationships have trouble earning an adequate income or finding safe and affordable hosing. Women may feel compelled to return to abusive relationships because they lack resources and support.
There is so much information on battering and abuse on the net! When my girls and I left our home, there was little or no information, and no “net” for information and certainly no Google.
I am so happy that the net is available now. If you are being battered, I hope you can make use of this information. I hope you aren’t worrying about keystrokes, or him tracing your on-line history.
If you know someone who needs this information, perhaps you could print out a few pages and give them to her. She needs information desperately. She is lost and afraid. Please. Be a good neighbor, or a good friend, and point her in the right direction.
If you are her friend, and you think that she doesn’t know that you know, maybe you need a check-up. If you are her friend, you know. She has hollow eyes. She has lost (or gained) weight. She winces when you hug her hello or good-bye. She doesn’t look at you when you talk. She seems to have nothing to say.
If you are her friend, confront her – find some way to ask her if she is okay, or, if she is afraid. Find a way to tell her that she has an opportunity to get away. She may well up with tears and confide in you, however, she may very well brush your concerns aside. But she will remember. She will check out the information you gave her when she is alone. When it is safe.