darksidedetail

I was a child of the Cold War years, (you know, The Bomb; dog tags with name, address and religious preference; hiding from nuclear annihilation under our plastic school desks) . . . We were ten years old and the end of the world was our future.

We had no tomorrow. We didn’t even have the next hour. We had this moment. That was it. That was most of my young life. I never really thought past right this minute. I never thought about next year, or even next week. I didn’t make plans for the future, at least not past Saturday night.

I kept having relationships with abusers. Words. Fists. Money. It’s really all the same. Abusers control you with their power. If you want control, you have to have the power. I thought I would never be happy. Never find a good, peaceful relationship. I was, however, making “less bad” decisions over the years. Slowly, I learned self-respect. I didn’t rush in with self-love at that point. That took much longer.

I did, finally, find enough love for myself to require good treatment. I found that I did want to love, that I wanted to be loved. I wanted to have a relationship that would last forever, or, at least, until the end of the world.

The lesson here is that if it hasn’t happened yet, don’t worry about it. And don’t fail to plan for tomorrow. Live your life. It’s the only one you have right now. Tomorrow is a question we do not have the answer to.