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Archives for domestic violence

begin again

it doesn’t matter how many times I start over,
only that I do.
hypnosis is my love,
my power.
i can do this.
i am good at this.
life interfered
but the time is now
to return to what i love and what i can do well.
I will begin again.

exposure

tonight, i feel like a bird’s nest covered with skin.
broken, twisted little branches
held together with bits of string and sticks and stems
wound up tighter than necessary
 to protect the pieces of me
that have yet to shatter

abuse

interpret the word however you like.
if you have absolutely no power in your relationship,

no control over your own life

and no hope
this is abuse.

screaming at the sun

walking slowly through the white walls of the museum

among brilliant works of masterful color

suddenly i was face to face with the crying woman
she screamed and screamed at me

trapped in canvas forever

there was no way i could help her

but i understood completely

if only

Today I attended a holiday boutique with my lovely, talented, oldest daughter, who was showing her hand-made aprons. The show was in a a hair salon. It is more modern I suppose, than when my mother had been their client many years ago, but essentially the same. I recognized it right away.
My mother had thick, [...]

merciless

downcast eyes, twisted smile,

she thinks that she is hiding the pain
dancing on a wire

to a tune played by her leading man
it is a frantic dance,

a carefully choreographed ballet.
any flat look of disappointment sends ice into her heart

there is no end to the music

no breather between sets

she must anticipate each twirl and spin

for failure is unthinkable

and [...]

rain

burning black sand

extravagantly bright flowers 
quite suddenly dripping
 with warm rain
 that pounds the earth with unreasonable fury
in a moment, the rain is gone 
and the sand is burning hot again
violence is not rain

it does not simply stop.

bravery is necessary

yet one time more 
than you believe is in you
run

before you cannot

storm

suddenly the storm is me
my emotions rage and tear the air 
like debris tossed about in a wild wind
i will not be peaceful if it means dying with the words suffocated behind my lips
i will not be a shadow any longer
i must stand in the light
even if it is a storm

deep regret

the terrible cold of discontent seeps into my bones
bitter words
 and anger
 send a frost
that burrows deep into my heart
I turn my chin to hide my tears
but i do not care so much that you see
as that it has finally come to this
the stone wall of my beating heart
will not accept this as a season [...]

i saw the play

It’s been thirty plus years since I left my abuser. Thirty years, and still, the reminder of one moment, all that time ago, can steal my breath.
Not any particular moment. There were a lot of bad moments back then. It can be just a random memory, even a sound, or a smell, but most [...]