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Archives for aftermath

before and after

some moments create deep fissures
in the skin of our souls,
as though splintering the heart,
penetrating even our deepest being.

sparkle

I am feeling alone
until I notice
that today feels magical
the late spring sunset has cast a golden glow on everything around me

my patchwork quilt

no sooner does my head touch the pillow
than the patchwork quilt of my memories and regrets
pulls itself up around me
and snuggles in for the night.
every remembrance,
whether lovely or sad, has its own patch in the quilt.
the beautiful faces of my children and grandchildren,
my poor little mother, dying before she was even my age,
chasing fireflies on [...]

begin again

life interfered
but the time is now
to return to what I love and what I can do well.

exposure

tonight, i feel like a bird’s nest covered with skin.
broken, twisted little branches
held together with bits of string and sticks and stems
wound up tighter than necessary
 to protect the pieces of me
that have yet to shatter

if only

Today I attended a holiday boutique with my lovely, talented, oldest daughter, who was showing her hand-made aprons. The show was in a a hair salon. It is more modern I suppose, than when my mother had been their client many years ago, but essentially the same. I recognized it right away.
My mother had thick, [...]

storm

suddenly the storm is me
my emotions rage and tear the air 
like debris tossed about in a wild wind
i will not be peaceful if it means dying with the words suffocated behind my lips
i will not be a shadow any longer
i must stand in the light
even if it is a storm

time

time is crashing into me
heavy
demanding
i have bared my soul to the universe so that
perhaps
one
woman might live a better life
i hope it is enough

destiny

I was not his victim. I realize that now. I could have walked away a thousand times before I became so stuck in my own mind that escape seemed impossible. In the end, I became my own victim. I decided to believe that the things he said about me were true, his estimation of my worth as a human being, and my abilities as a parent.

He said that I would never leave him because I could never make it on my own, that I would never be able to support our children. And I decided to believe that I needed him. I decided to believe that I was helpless without him. I decided that it was my destiny to have that life, and that I deserved my fate.

stalemate

I had a dear friend once. She was originally from England. She had a uniquely marvelous perspective on the American world. She was one of the few truly honest persons I had ever known. I loved her within minutes of meeting her.
I came to learn that her husband was terribly critical [...]