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Archives for aftermath

grandmother’s gift

What happened to me is not who I am.
I will decide who I am.

belonging

what draws a woman to a man who berates her?
to a person who takes power over her?
what flame is that with such power over us?

get over it!

if there is nothing but love
or hate
in this world

which will you choose?

summer flower

if all of life were this lovely
perhaps
there would be no fear
or anxiety
or troubles between people
if all of life were as innocent
as a flower,
and every sound
as peaceful as petal dust,
if every breeze brought only lovely summer scents
and fireflies,
then, just perhaps,
people
could be kind and lovely
to one another as well

the view from the road

I have been walking every evening this past month
it is becoming almost more necessary for my soul
than my body.
so many trees around me,
I reach out to caress low hanging branches
with my fingertips
softly brushing leaves and flowers,
absorbing their energy,
mingling our particles
for eternity
I speak my breath toward them in return,
lest I take without giving.
Craning my neck upward [...]

crazy

hot tears burst from my soul,
leak from my face,
without warning
been crying for days,
over nothing, or something,
feeling
out of control
anger
emotional outrage
flares hot
over nothing
or
something
that it should not
i am so very,
very
tired
of the fight to remain solid
my skin barely contains
the liquid fire
that runs through me,
burning,
electric fire hell
in my neck and shoulders
sparkling bone pain,
broken glass,
in my spine
can’t seem to get out [...]

butterfly spin

My body is not who I am.
I am not this ugly, fuzzy worm,
I am a beautiful creature,
with wings
Wait, you will see.

I am a soul,
confined within a body
I am a soul,
struggling to be free of this captivity

dark night

I always recommend Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pincola Estes, Ph.D. (the book is available at Amazon). She really digs into those Dark Man dreams and how paying attention to them can help you with important decisions in your life. This book saved my life. Every woman should read it!

destiny

I was not his victim. I realize that now. I could have walked away a thousand times before I became so stuck in my own mind that escape seemed impossible. In the end, I became my own victim. I decided to believe that the things he said about me were true, his estimation of my worth as a human being, and my abilities as a parent.

He said that I would never leave him because I could never make it on my own, that I would never be able to support our children. And I decided to believe that I needed him. I decided to believe that I was helpless without him. I decided that it was my destiny to have that life, and that I deserved my fate.

dangerous

old women can be dangerous
we say what we think.
and we often speak
without
even
being spoken to.
fevers,
darkness,
and broken hearts
no longer frighten us.
people are more frightening
than life’s random pains.
those who live in judgment
and
speak sly criticisms.
they make life harder than it has to be.
I remember being young.
what a lot of trouble that was.
my soul was broken once
and many times again
by [...]