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Archives for aftermath

little one

my sweet little one
you are the future of my past
and the star on my horizon.
life has disappointed you
and my heart aches
for your sorrow.
i have lived and loved
and hurt and been hurt
and cried so many tears
and yet, it was impossible to take the pain for you
young women become so
by twisting and scraping against the walls of [...]

becoming rain

each of us are only particles,
currently assembled into sentient beings
held together by friction and stubbornness,
aware,
for the moment, of our being-ness.
surviving survival
pulled all of my strings and tore at my heart
’till my particles burned with confusion and dread.
surviving,
recreating myself,
from a bundle of tangled, broken fragments
was only the beginning.
learning to live again,
to find my own being-ness
took all [...]

hostage

The realization
that I was only a hostage
made leaving that much easier.
Leaving wasn’t difficult,
or painful,
only frightening.
Starting over was more difficult.
Every day was hard
but every night was peaceful
and finally safe.

dreaming

my life was a scream
trapped
in a nightmare.
it was never going to get better
the only cure
was to leave
it took years
and days
and hours
and some very long moments
but my dreams are peaceful now
my heart is calm
and I don’t miss the terror
not even a little

heartbroken

I’ve seen that look before,
you think that the problem is you.

Sunset pulls mightily upon your soul.
Stars and moon sing their own songs of freedom,
the night birds,
screeching and cawing to one another
delicately unfold their wings,
lifting themselves
on the faintest breeze,
above the earth,
toward the growing darkness.

And you keep shoveling mountains of guilt
over your already tired bones.

You are only [...]

dying, with sparkles

There is no filling the empty soul.
It closes up around itself and refuses to take nourishment.
Nothing is right,
nothing lights the darkness.
The soul needs to sing and dance and play, joyously.
If joy has gone of its own accord
or been sold to the highest bidder
the soul will starve.
Take back the joy.
Let go of the shiny substitute.
Death hides [...]

picture perfect

It is quiet.
The perfume of flowers floats like a song on the evening air.
I whisper my love to the trees,
my heart soars with the dancing of birds in flight.
I feel close to the earth
and in tune with the spirits of her many wild creatures.
I am one of them. I belong here.
I don’t want to be [...]

that damn shoe

You taught me to walk in the other one’s shoes,
rather than feel my own pain.
Maybe that person had a bad day, maybe their feet hurt…
maybe that person is just mean and I shouldn’t try to understand!
I wish I had just told you to walk in my shoes!
I had enough pain, didn’t need someone else’s.
I needed [...]

exposure

tonight, i feel like a bird’s nest covered with skin.
broken, twisted little branches
held together with bits of string and sticks and stems
wound up tighter than necessary
to protect the pieces of me
that have yet to shatter

secrets and lies

i choose my truth
from a basket of tangled memories
and a wicked, cold reality
that i can not outrun