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Archives for recovery

hostage

The realization
that I was only a hostage
made leaving that much easier.
Leaving wasn’t difficult,
or painful,
only frightening.
Starting over was more difficult.
Every day was hard
but every night was peaceful
and finally safe.

dreaming

my life was scream
trapped
in a nightmare.
it was never going to get better
the only cure
was to leave
it took years
and days
and hours
and some very long moments
but my dreams are peaceful now
my heart is calm
and I don’t miss the terror
not even a little

updraft

imagine having wings
soaring effortlessly
on the lightest breeze,
playing
in gusts of wind
imagine
having that life
the one that didn’t go as planned
imagine the freedom
of no regrets
of life well lived until the end
lift your wings
catch the breeze
and begin again

heartbroken

I’ve seen that look before,
you think that the problem is you.

Sunset pulls mightily upon your soul.
Stars and moon sing their own songs of freedom,
the night birds,
screeching and cawing to one another
delicately unfold their wings,
lifting themselves
on the faintest breeze,
above the earth,
toward the growing darkness.

And you keep shoveling mountains of guilt
over your already tired bones.

You are only [...]

fragile

this heartbreakingly beautiful
tiny bit of the universe
took my breath, and my soul
by surprise today

beauty
can be found in many things
and joy
can come from out of nowhere

if I had tried to pick it up
and move it out of harm’s way
it would have been destroyed.

I left it where it was,
knowing that it would be crushed
or blown away in [...]

old

becoming older is simple
it sneaks up on you,
until it doesn’t
realizing my limitations,
aching for bones that don’t ache,
watching bruises bloom from simple bumps,
such an adventure
happily, i can still walk.
if i could not,
i would have missed this beauty
she will also grow old,
crumple in on herself
and lose her amazing petals,
which feel wooden to my careful touch
it is my [...]

before and after

it seems that we keep time
in before and after.
not so much in days or years,
but in moments that stop everything.

some moments create deep fissures
in the skin of our souls,
as though splintering the heart,
penetrating even our deepest being.

each soul is marked by scars
by tears not shed
by pain too great
by fires gone out
by before,
and after.

living in color

Will I be grateful for my life when it is over?
or, will I die wanting more?
I hope not.
Time, and time, and more time, to what end?
I am learning to be grateful for temporary things
love, kinship, a smile, eyes that truly see.
I look at the trees,
I doubt they complain about the years they don’t have.
It seems [...]

eyes open

sometimes
there are no words
my heart simply fills with gratitude
and longing
for the secret world of flowers
and the tiny creatures
who kiss them

dying, with sparkles

There is no filling the empty soul.
It closes up around itself and refuses to take nourishment.
Nothing is right,
nothing lights the darkness.
The soul needs to sing and dance and play, joyously.
If joy has gone of its own accord
or been sold to the highest bidder
the soul will starve.
Take back the joy.
Let go of the shiny substitute.
Death hides [...]