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partial truth

May 25th, 2017

IMG_9306

i choose my truth
from a basket of tangled memories
and a wicked, cold reality
that i can not outrun


midnight

April 22nd, 2017

IMG_5498it is spring
there are flowers everywhere.
joyous
stretching
kissing the light
shocking colors that only god can make

i memorize them, for darker days.
wild
as they are.

at dusk
they fold inward.
sleeping until dawn.

my soul opens into the night
it is peaceful
the air is thicker,
closer to my skin somehow

coyotes running free
singing to one another
and to me


water and food for the soul

March 12th, 2017

IMG_8149
When I am no longer being nurtured,
by my environment
it falls upon me to nurture myself.
or die

how that is accomplished,
or even begun, is a mystery
that creates a terror in my heart.
not again.


the cold winter sun

February 25th, 2017

february newThe cold winter sun shares her harsh light begrudgingly.
hiding,
then fairly screaming at me from between the trees
as she dances lower and lower on the horizon.

I increase my pace,
struggling to stay warm.

A patch of lavender comes into view
curious
i move closer

I am overpowered,
the scent is visceral
I must stop

The bright new flowers
have rushed to open after the recent rains,
sensing light through the eyelids of their souls,
urgently unfolding into the new day.
stretching
reaching
gloriously becoming

I take a picture, but it is washed out
the light is too bright.
I move my body to create a shadow
and try again

I breathe deeply,
memorizing the moment.
joyous
unwashed
unchanged by chemistry

Today I have learned something

Light is necessary for life,
but shadow is necessary for vision.


secrets

January 22nd, 2017

IMG_4539

hiding
like a secret,
behind the floppy green leaves,
this tiny pocket of flowers
brought a sweet smile to my heart today

i had forgotten
perhaps
that secrets should be joyous

there was a time when my life held many secrets.
sorrows i could not contain
searching wildly for courage
to scream
and run
and run
and never stop
until the world was safe again

it took not courage,
but only
the tiniest flower of hope,
to find my legs.
and little hands to hold my own
as we made our way
from the secrets to our light.


the smell of water

November 25th, 2016

IMG_4966there is no sidewalk, so i walk in the street.
the hills are steep for my old knees
but my legs are strong now

i love that i can smell the water
and almost taste the green of the cool space
near the top of the longest hill.
there are always birds here
and small critters i can hear, but not see

the drought has choked the life out of many of our trees.
grass is stiff and yellow, what there is of it.
there are fewer flowers and their perfume no longer lingers on the air
so this oasis on the side of the road is welcome
like an old friend

I still reach out to low hanging branches
touching their tender leaves
with my fingertips
and my breath.
it feels like a kiss.
and i hold it softly to me
as i walk past

I walk this hill to touch my world
to admire the flowers
and whisper to the trees,
and to watch the birds float across the sky
and into my heart

I walk this hill for me
for my soul more than for my body.
I know that i belong right here,
in this little bit of the world


old

August 9th, 2016

IMG_4517becoming older is simple
it sneaks up on you,
until it doesn’t

realizing my limitations,
aching for bones that don’t ache,
watching bruises bloom from simple bumps,
such an adventure

happily, i can still walk.
if i could not,
i would have missed this beauty

she will also grow old,
crumple in on herself
and lose her amazing petals,
which feel wooden to my careful touch

it is my joy to have witnessed her life
even as my aging body requires me to walk slowly enough to notice

thank goodness

do not allow your old age to be stolen from you
run
get out
your stuff isn’t worth it
don’t wait to leave until the day after he kills you

before and after

June 15th, 2016

IMG_4335it seems that we keep time
in before and after.
not so much in days or years,
but in moments that stop everything.

some moments create deep fissures
in the skin of our souls,
as though splintering the heart,
penetrating even our deepest being.

each soul is marked by scars
by tears not shed
by pain too great
by fires gone out
by before,
and after.

dying on the vine

June 14th, 2016

IMG_4470the flower is old
dying
but the bush lives,
there will be another flower

i wonder
does she struggle to breathe?
is she fearful of the end?

growing older changes me
i feel dried out
less self-reliant
colorless

i do not want to be replaceable,
gone from my own life,
but, i am vain

old news

May 11th, 2016

IMG_4545I remember a time
when people had no need for guns
when dogs slept in the streets, and children played there

doors were never locked,
and neighbors came and went like family
news did not travel quite so quickly then,
and it was not so bad it seems

I wish that my children
and their children
could have known the world as it was then

but time moves always forward
old, and bent, and troubled
with bullets and bombs
and terror
breaking what it can not bend