bag lady chat

When you are ready, here is some job hunting info. I’ve been on both sides of the interview process, so I hope this will be helpful information for you.

If all you need is an Application:

-Your application should be extremely neat , carefully written, and easy to read. Do not rush. Bring your own pen, do not use pencil.
-Almost every job has reporting requirements of some kind, the employer will want to know that your work will be legible, and that you have a certain command of the language.
-Tell the truth. Don’t embellish or exaggerate. If you can’t answer the questions honestly, look for a different job.

job hunting continued »

On July 4th, I managed to completely and totally erase, destroy and remove bagladychat.com from the internet. I have been replacing some of the old posts since that time, and adding a few new things here and there. The connections, the resources, will be restored as well, with time.

blessings and love,
b.

. . . I would love to hear more about the journey from the shelter to where you are today. Because the shelter is only temporary, women often go back to their abuser for financial security. What advice do you have that a woman could do to gain financial independence if she has children and cannot make enough to support her family?

When this question was posted I didn’t know what to say. How could I give advice? My journey to recovery was not smooth, easy, or comfortable. The only thing I can absolutely say that I did right was that I did not go back. So here it is, warts and all. Take what you can from my experience.
the journey of recovery continued »

The abuser does not have a need to recover when the relationship ends. He simply moves on. He has his pride to protect. He puts on his nice guy face and goes out hunting for a fresh victim. He will tell everyone that he sent the other on her way.

It is the victim who is left to recover. It is a hard road. She is not even a shell of her old self by this time. Why? What has happened to her?

The wild creature, when cornered, will fight for her life, but will she fight every day for the next six years? Is there a point at which she gives up? If the batterer withholds water, food or shelter for a long enough time, will the creature give in and allow herself to be captured? Or will she simply die with her eyes open and her claws extended?

The battered woman, conversely, will beg for mercy. We have been tamed. Our wildcat nature has been housebroken. We live by rules that do not allow us to scratch out the eyes of our abusers. Those of us who do fight back are quickly overpowered and provided with many painful reasons to defer to our abusers in the future.
cornered continued »

If you are abused, there are two things left to you: Staying -or- Leaving.

I thought I was keeping the family together. That it was better for my children to have their father with them. I thought that god wanted it this way.

My two little girls needed their mother, but she was gone. She was lost in a deep depression. By the time my younger daughter was in kindergarten the emotional battering was constant. The physical battering would come and go with the cycle, but I was caught in such a powerful downward spiral of self-loathing that I was virtually a prisoner of my own mind. Mental abuse does this. Verbal abuse does this.
stay, or go? continued »

Our baby son died in his crib just before he was five months old.

“You must have walked in your sleep and smothered him.”

He was such a happy baby, he had great big belly laugh and he loved to bounce on a knee, anybody’s knee. His sisters adored him. At two and four, they were so completely loving and helpful that I was quite amazed at the lack of sibling rivalry, and always grateful for their help.
sleep walking with the Death Angel continued »

I had a dear friend once. She was originally from “across the pond.” She had a uniquely marvelous perspective on the American world. She was one of the few truly honest persons I had ever known. I loved her within minutes of meeting her. 

I came to learn that her husband was terribly critical of her. He found fault with everything she did or said. They seemed to love having company, but he would embarrass her mercilessly in front of guests. Having “been there, done that” I watched her face as he denigrated on her in the company of their friends. She put up a brave face, but I saw the tiny wrinkles in the corners of her eyes, I knew she was crying inside. I also knew that there was trouble brewing.  

stalemate continued »

Below is the message I posted in the SafeHorizon site this morning. This was Christmas morning. Holidays can be difficult for all of us, but finding yourself alone on Christmas can be especially hard.

Happy Sunday! The sun is shining (whether we can see it or not) and the world is still spinning out there in space, and You are Free! You are Safe! No one will hit you today. No one will break any of your bones today, or shoot at you, or throw the entire honey baked ham at you.

Try to imagine that you have just stepped Through the Looking Glass BACK into your Real Life. You have been on the other side of hell for a long time. You are now back in the Real World and you have an amazing opportunity to write a new script for your life. You get to DECIDE how to live your life. You get to make changes that You think are important. But you don’t have to do it all at once, or even in a hurry.
loving yourself during the holidays continued »

Many women do not know what to call their secret, little problem. It must be my fault. I must have done something. No. Abuse is a problem within the abuser, not the victim.

Does this torture have a name? Am I actually being abused? Is this verbal abuse? Mental abuse? What if your partner just twists your arm until you cry – that’s not hitting, is that abuse? I want to try to crack open the door into domestic hell for you, and let you get a little peek inside. That way you can decide for yourself and at least not wonder about what is happening and, whether you are simply crazy. Perhaps you will get help if you are being abused. That would be the best thing. That would be the perfect thing.
the view from within continued »

If you think that violence is only a product of bad neighborhoods and alcoholism or drug use – you might be wrong.

If you think that only stupid married women get stuck in abusive relationships – you might be wrong again.

If you think it can’t happen to you – you might be very wrong.

Every woman should educate herself on domestic violence. Whether you think it will ever personally affect you, you owe yourself a little education on the subject. There are a few good books/movies on the Books and Movies page. There are many, many blogs on the subject. in the beginning: avoiding the abusive relationship continued »